I just read an article mentioning how long commutes, especially for moms, are stressors at work. My first thought wasn’t in agreeing. My first thought was…
Why “especially for moms?” What about dads?
It made me think of last year when I saw several friends’ profile pictures change to having a slogan that said, “I stand with girls.”
After seeing this, I changed my Facebook post to say, “I stand with boys and girls.”
It seems the pendulum has shifted the other way…completely, where so much is focused on women. Women organizations. Women groups. Women events. Women saying, “I help women…” Women, women, women.
To me, it seems like conversations, companies, messaging, and mottos are focused on women and girls. So I must ask, what about men and boys?
If our focus continues to push, empower, and motivate only girls and women, we will soon isolate and alienate men and boys, which doesn’t serve women, girls, organizations, or society. In fact, it hurts them.
I recognize men have had the “power,” titles, and positions since the beginning; however, women have allowed that to happen. They have done what has always been done and not attempted to create something different, something that serves them better, whether it’s from not believing in themselves, not negotiating their pay, or not standing up for what they believe.
In general, the men of today are doing what they know how to do…believe in themselves, negotiate their pay and stand up
for what they believe. How can we fault them for this? For things women wish they had.
And now women want different, and I applaud that; however, with the pendulum shifting so greatly to women, where does that leave boys and men?
Society tends to focus on helping women with balancing their lives, wellness, and stress. Men need help with the same things. They feel the pressure and burnout too. Stress and pressure have severe effects on men and often lead to tragedy in males.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, “men die by suicide 3.54x more than women,” and teenage boys die by suicide more often than girls. And “the rate of suicide is highest in middle-age white men in particular.”
Boys get bullied in school and are threatened with physical violence more than girls. Boys feel the pressure at home or with grades, peers, and their future. These boys will soon be men.
What are we teaching them about their importance or relevance when we continue to solely focus on only empowering girls and women? Where do they fit in the picture? Because with the empowering girls and women messaging, we are telling them that they don’t fit in at all.
Yet we want these boys to be self-aware men. And we want men to ….
Basically do it all. Provide for the family, be at every activity, don’t miss any holidays, cook, clean, stand up for us (yet only when we want it, because if we don’t want it, then we’ll say, “I can stand up for myself” and also expect him to know the difference between when he should and shouldn’t stand up for us), be romantic, always understand our viewpoint/say we are right even when we aren’t, compliment us, take care of the kids without being asked, don’t ask us what we want—just be able to read our minds, know what we mean even if it’s not what we say, and tell us how amazing we are.
Yet we aren’t giving them the tools to do these things.
Men and boys feel. They feel their masculinity is defined by their job, status, position, title, athleticism, and wallet. They feel the pressure to measure up and be “all that they can be.” And when they don’t, when they fail, they feel less than, not good enough, and unworthy.
They struggle with similar issues; they may just manifest themselves in different ways. But it’s there and it’s screaming loud at us as women, yet we still put our energy, time, and focus on girls and women.
What will it take for women to wake up and start fighting for boys and men too?
We focus our attention on us being empowered, when really it’s us feeling empowered. Women have had everything they need the whole time to make changes…they have a voice. They have just forgotten to use it. And now that they remember their voice exists, they are screaming so loudly and forgetting to hear and pay attention to others who are important too. Because even though women may not intentionally be sending a message to boys and men, they absolutely are.
So what message do you want to be sending to boys and men?
Whether it’s your son, husband, brother, nephew, or co-worker. What do you want to be saying to them?
Because the words you use are just as important as the words you don’t use. To empower women, you must not forget to empower and fight for men too, because you need them on board…understanding, listening, and fighting for you too.
Next time you read or hear something about women and girls, I encourage you to ask, “What about boys and men?”
Would your response be different if you were raising a boy to be a man?
ABOUT JESSICA
Jessica Rector’s mission is simple: transform lives. With a BBA, MBA and BS, Jessica started, hosted, and produced her own TV talk show in Los Angeles with just an idea to help others which launched her first company jessICAREctor International. Having worked with clients such as NBCUniversal, the Dallas Mavericks, and American Airlines, she uses her first-hand research to help organizations, leaders, and teams to Blaze Your Brain and extinguish burnout.
As a thought leader, keynote speaker, and #1 best-selling author, Jessica consults with companies, trains teams, and speaks at conferences, conventions, and organizations helping you change what you say to yourself about yourself to change your thoughts and actions to change your life. Jessica is a Contributor for The Huffington Post and has been seen on ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Business Journal, and Market Watch. Get Jessica’s recent book, Tame Your Brain Game at jessicarector.com. Connect with her on LinkedIn by CLICKING HERE.
