Once you start tuning into your negative thoughts, it’s time to take action to change them.
Keep track of the negative thoughts you have. Write them down. Each day write down, whether on a piece of paper, in a notepad, or on your phone, the negative thoughts that you have. Do this consistently over the course of a week, and you’ll realize you have so many more negative thoughts than you initially recognized.
Hint: the negative thoughts you write down will only be a fraction of the negative thoughts you actually have. If you remember from Part 1, negative thoughts are so engrained in you, most of them probably won’t even register as negative thoughts. You’ll see them as just your “normal” thought process.
Then look at the negative thoughts. What were the triggers for them? What happened right before you had them? Who were you talking to? What was going on? How were you feeling? What situation was presented to you?
When you know the trigger for these thoughts, it becomes easier to identify them before they occur next time.
ACTION STEP 1: What is one negative thought you wrote down? Write this negative thought on a blank piece of paper. We’re going to use it throughout this post.
For instance, let’s say you wrote down a negative thought I feel uncomfortable doing this.
Feeling uncomfortable could come up in a variety of situations like making a phone call, speaking out in a meeting, giving a presentation, meeting a prospect, or confronting a colleague. You want to know specifically what you were doing or to whom you were talking that made you feel uncomfortable.
So when you write down the negative thought, write next to it the trigger and situation for that thought. I feel uncomfortable about speaking out in a meeting, because I’m scared people won’t like me if I say how I really feel.
Remember, the trigger can be a person, place, thing, or situation.
You want to recognize the negative thought and the trigger. So next time that trigger and situation comes up, you can prepare better so you don’t give those negative thoughts access to you. Or if they happen, you’re able to stop them in their tracks.
ACTION STEP 2: Next to the negative thought you wrote down, write beside it its trigger and situation.
Your brain is constantly talking to you, which part of it are you listening to?
If you say or ask it something negative, it will validate that.
Why am I uncomfortable about speaking out in a meeting?
Your brain will list all the reasons why this is the case.
You’re not smart.
No one cares what you think.
You don’t have anything important to contribute.
You’re not a good parent. (You can’t get your kids to listen to you, why would anyone else?)
Even though parenting seemingly doesn’t have anything to do with not feeling comfortable speaking out during a meeting, your brain will validate what you say in any way possible. It will take seemingly unrelated things and use them to validate your “truth.”
The opposite works too, even if the situation or circumstance didn’t change, but your perspective on it did.
If you say or ask yourself something positive, your brain will answer it.
Why am I comfortable speaking out at meeting?
Your brain will list all the reasons why you are comfortable.
You’re smart.
People care what you think, because they care about you.
You have a lot of valuable things to contribute.
You’re a great parent.
When you think something negative, reframe it by telling yourself the positive of it. Instead of saying you’re uncomfortable, tell yourself you’re comfortable. When you change the negative to a positive, your brain will then respond in a positive way, which allows you to act on that positive.
Different ways you can refrain the above example are:
I am comfortable speaking out in meeting.
What would make me more comfortable speaking out in meetings?
What do I need to feel comfortable speaking out in meetings?
Who can help me feel more comfortable speaking out in meetings?
What experience do I need to feel more comfortable?
What tools or strategies would help me feel more comfortable?
ACTION STEP 3: Now take the negative thought you wrote down on a blank piece of paper with its trigger and situation and write down as many different ways of reframing that negative thought that come to mind.
Continuing to think negative will allow you to stay right where you are. Your brain will keep thinking the same way it’s always thought, allowing you to keep doing the same things you’ve always done, which leads to feeling stuck, stagnant, and burnt out.
Taking the negative things you say to yourself and reframing them allows your brain to think in new ways. When you’re able to do this, you see the actions you can take for growth and learning.
The next thing to do is to take action on the reframing. In the above example, what actions could you take?
You can go enroll in a class to boost your confidence.
You can make a call to someone who can help you feel more comfortable in speaking out.
You can get a coach to help you with public speaking.
You could start off speaking out in a small group of people first. Then work your way up to speaking out in the meeting.
You could ask your colleague to hold you accountable at your next meeting to speak out.
ACTION STEP 4: Write down on your paper all the different actions you can take in relation to your reframing.
Finally, reread your action steps. Which one will you take? There is usually one that sticks out more than the rest. It could be the easiest one, the hardest one, or the one you want to do most. It doesn’t matter which one you decide on, only that you’ll actually do it.
ACTION STEP 5: Go back to your piece of paper. Circle the one action step you’re going to take.
Going through this exercise and circling this one action step won’t change anything. The only way to create change is when you do the action step you just circled.
You can’t just do this process once and expect success to come to you. This is a constant and continual process.
5 Step Process to Turn Negative Thoughts into Positive Action
1. What is one negative thought you wrote down? Write this negative thought on a blank piece of paper. We’re going to use it throughout this post.
2. Next to the negative thought you wrote down, write beside it its trigger and situation.
3. Take the negative thought you wrote down with its trigger and situation and write down as many different ways of reframing that negative thought that come to mind.
4. Write down on your paper all the different actions you can take in relation to your reframing.
5. Go back to your piece of paper. Circle the one action step you’re going to take.
You need to constantly be aware of your negative thoughts, turning them into positive ones by reframing, figuring out your triggers, adjusting when that trigger comes up again, and taking action on the reframing.
It may seems like a lot, but it’s just because you’re not used to it. Just like with anything, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. You’ll create a habit and be able to do it without consciously thinking about it.
The more you allow your negative thoughts to hold you back, the more they will continue to do it. The magic is in reframing these thoughts and then taking small consistent action on them. This, my friend, will create massive change.
Jessica Rector’s mission is simple: transform lives. With a BBA, MBA and BS, Jessica started, hosted, and produced her own TV talk show in Los Angeles with just an idea to help others which launched jessICAREctor International. Through her own experiences, research, and strategies, she helps you turn inner communication into outer success through her proprietary process Tame Your Brain Game. As a thought leader, keynote speaker, and #1 best-selling author, Jessica consults with companies, trains teams, and speaks at conferences, conventions, and organizations helping you disrupt your status quo thinking. Jessica is a Contributor for The Huffington Post and has been seen on ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Business Journal, and Market Watch. Get Jessica’s new book, Tame Your Brain Game at jessicarector.com. Follow her on Facebook by CLICKING HERE.
