Lots of people are posting their senior high school pictures on social media in support of 2020 seniors.
It got me thinking about high school.
High school was challenging for me. I had friends who were popular, in the band, smart, and in other groups. But I never felt like I fit in with anyone. I wanted to be popular only because I thought people liked popular people, and I wanted to be liked.
Can you relate? Think back to that time in high school or at another point in your life, when you wanted to be liked. Have you ever had even an inkling of fear that you wouldn’t be liked if you showed your real self, shared your ideas or said what you really thought?
Most people have wanted to fit in, had the desire to be liked by someone at some time, or craved to be like someone else (when you compare yourself to someone).
I never dated in high school. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I never got asked out. In fact, I went to every single school dance stag.
And after a while, this begins to take a toll on you. You start questioning yourself. You start thinking there’s something wrong with you.
When a guy who was supposed to ask you out asks out your best friend, you wonder if you should be more like her.
You become more reserved, but not too shy. Not so loud or outspoken. You become more flirtatious, but not too much, because then people might think you’re promiscuous. You become a little more of this and a little less of that thinking someone will like you.
The more you do this, the less you recognize yourself. You desire to be someone else. Someone who people will like. Someone worthy of liking.
The longer this goes on, the more of the real you gets lost. The more you become a shell of the person you once were.
In college, you can reinvent yourself, because no one knows you. Do you continue to be someone you aren’t or try to re-discover who you really are?
In adulthood, similar things to high school can take place. Mom groups, business events, workplace happenings. You may feel like you don’t fit in or that you have to be or think a certain way to be liked or accepted by certain groups (cliques).
In my late twenties and thirties, I was able to discover who I was through a series of adventures…and really just getting out there and doing things…taking risks. Studying abroad for my MBA in Norway and residing with other international students allowed me to learn about other cultures, people and places. It allowed me to get outside of the bubble I was living in.
Living in Africa by myself doing volunteer work gave me great insight to myself. I rediscovered myself and what I wanted in life.
Unexpectedly getting pregnant in my late thirties was probably the biggest disruption to my desire to fit in. During my pregnancy, I was engulfed in shame, because being a single mom was never in my life plan. However, it’s been my biggest blessing and continual learning lesson.
Through the process of daily interactions with my son, I realized that I was never made to fit in. I was never created to do things the way others do them. I was made to take risks, go on adventures, get excited about the little things, and laugh out loud and hard when I find something funny.
It was a gradual change and not an intentional one. However, I was cognizant about doing my best to be the best mother I could be. In the process of doing that, I was open to the opportunities my son taught me about myself, and my perspective shifted.
I realized I was worthy, because I said I was worthy. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that. In fact, no one could tell me it, because I wouldn’t have really believed them. I had to figure it out for myself.
I had to first think I was worthy, and then I believed with every fiber of my being that I was worthy. So much so that everyone else could be saying I wasn’t, and I wouldn’t believe them…I would believe myself over them. That’s how strong my belief came to be and still is.
I was created to be me…exactly who I am.
And the ironic thing is that the things I was trying not to be…energetic, opinionated, analytical, loud, fun, loving, caring, excited, and someone who lights up about research, joy, and engagement…are the exact things people hire me for now.
I make my living by doing and being the things that for so long I was trying to not do and be.
The person I was too scared to be out of fear I wouldn’t be liked or the person I was trying to hide, because I thought people didn’t like her is the person that people gravitate toward now.
I share all of this to you to say…
No matter what you’re going through, no matter who you think you should be, no matter what others think of you…
You keep being you. The world needs you. Not a fraction or a shell of you, but the whole, fully flawed, imperfect, messed up sometimes you. The one who doesn’t have all the answers. The one who isn’t sure on some things. The one who is awkward at times. The one who can get nervous. The one who risks too much. The one who dives all in. The one who puts it all out there. The one who doesn’t apologize for being themselves. The one who is willing to show up, step out, and speak.
The one who is overly confident at times. The one who is opinionated (as though that’s a bad thing). The one who will lay everything on the line for what they believe. The one who is too this or too that for some.
That person. That’s the exact person this world is yelling for. That’s the person we long for. That’s the person we desire more. The person who doesn’t apologize for being themselves. The one who is bold enough to say, “This is me! If you like me, great. If you don’t, great.”
And knows they aren’t going to change just to be liked or to fit in (because being liked and fitting in is so 20 years ago). But they are only going to change to continue to be a better version of their amazing self.
Your experiences are likely not the same as mine, but you’ve been through things in your life. What have you learned from those experiences? If you take a look at them, they will uncover a lot more about you. What you’re capable of. What you’ll stand up for. What you believe.
Through your adventures and experiences, little by little, you’ll discover the real you. Tap into that person. Continue to learn about yourself. Tweak and adjust to grow and thrive. And never give up on you.
Because that is who the world desires now.
Now is the time to shed the person who you think you should be. Let go of the person that wants to fit in. Delve into who you really are and allow your incredible true self to finally be seen.
You matter. You are worthy exactly as you are.
Now is your time.
Because, my friend, the world needs the real you!
ABOUT JESSICA:
Jessica Rector’s mission is simple: transform lives. With a BBA, MBA and BS, Jessica started, hosted, and produced her own TV talk show in Los Angeles with just an idea to help others launching her first company jessICAREctor International. Having worked with clients such as NBCUniversal, the Dallas Mavericks, and American Airlines, she uses first-hand research, experiences, and strategies, to ignite your brain, extinguish burnout, and ignite your people through her process called Blaze Your Brain.
As a talk show host, keynote speaker, and #1 best-selling author, Jessica consults with companies, trains teams, and speaks at conferences, conventions, and organizations helping you change thoughts, change your outcomes, and ignite the power within. She has shared the stage with Michelle Obama and worked with Fortune’s #2 Best Company to Work For, NBCUniversal and the Dallas Mavericks. Jessica is a Contributor for The Huffington Post and has been seen on ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX for creating change. Get Jessica’s recent book, Blaze Your Brain to Extinguish Burnout: 52 Tip to Prevent, Break Through and Eliminate Burnout at jessicarector.com. Connect with her on LinkedIn by CLICKING HERE.
