When was the last time you had a debilitating thought? You know the ones. Like:
“Oh, I can’t do that, I don’t have enough experience.”
“It’s not quite done (perfect) enough.”
“I need to wait until it had one more (image, slide, link, page).”
They are the thoughts that make you believe everything needs to be perfect. YOU need to be perfect so someone will like you, buy from you, or love you. And until you are perfect, none of the things you truly want will come to fruition.
Clients won’t buy from you. You’ll never find someone who loves you for you. You won’t get that promotion you really deserve.
Perfectionism isn’t serving you. In fact, it’s hurting you. It’s keeping you right where you are. Perfectionism may allow you small steps forward at a snail-pace rate, but it’s not allowing you to get out there and be your bold, badass self. And, I know there is a bold you inside screaming to get out. SHARE THIS!
Every man’s boldness is different. Every man’s badassability (his ability to be a badass) varies. But one thing I know is that EVERY man has both. If you suffer from perfectionism, it’s keeping you from both.
Perfectionism shows up in the way you like to control things. Things have to be a certain way. If they aren’t, you won’t do it just yet (and “just yet” plays out for months and years). You’ll put things off for as long as it takes until things are just right. And guess what? You can always find something wrong with it.
Perfectionism shows up in the way you talk to your son who made two goals in soccer, and you focus on the third goal he missed. Because, gosh, darn it, he shouldn’t have missed that third goal. Next time, he needs to aim for the far post not the closer one, and then he would have made that goal. How could he have missed it?!
Perfectionism shows up in your work when you tell yourself you don’t have enough experience to apply for the promotion you really want. You tell yourself you won’t get it anyway so why bother. You know you deserve it. You’ve worked your butt off for it, but you won’t apply until you feel the time is right. Until you know everything is lined up. Well, the time is right at this moment and things are as lined up as they are going to get. There is no “perfect” time, because perfectionism will keep that time from occurring. Now is your time!
Perfectionism will keep you from doing things you want, receiving love the way you need, and being who you’re meant to be. Perfectionism comes from fear. Fear that people won’t like you. They won’t accept you. They won’t love you unless you’re perfect. People actually connect with your imperfections, because they are imperfect too.
Rick and I were talking, and as the conversation evolved, it was cleared he suffered from perfectionism. As a successful surgeon, he still had debilitating thoughts that kept him from being more aligned with whom he knew he was. I shared with him how perfectionism starts.
Usually from a young age and from our parents, perfectionism begins and then grows into a way of life for us. Maybe only A’s were allowed in your house, and the one time you received a B, your parents told you that wasn’t acceptable. That wasn’t allowed. In your mind that translated into you not being good enough unless you got all A’s…unless you were perfect. So from that moment forward, you told yourself you had to be perfect, because if you weren’t, bad things would happen (you’d get pulled from basketball), people wouldn’t like you, or you wouldn’t be accepted.
There was a pause. Rick said, “How did you know? That’s exactly what happened.”
Rick was a great student and received all A’s in school. One time he received an 89, a B, and his dad pulled him from the basketball team. So from then on, he thought he wasn’t good enough unless he got A’s…unless he was perfect. That’s carried over into his current life, decades after the incident. He waits until things are perfect, until he has everything figured out, before he takes action. So he ends up not taking action. He analyzes and over-thinks everything and beats himself up in the process. Sound familiar?
Where does your perfectionism come from? Think back to how it started and why. When you identify this, things will start to make sense. You’ll get a better grasp on why you’re the way you are.
How is perfectionism showing up in your life? How does it affect your work, your relationships, or the way you talk to your kids, employees, or spouse? Once you know where it started, you can change how it shows up in your life. You can change your language, your focus, and take quicker, more decisive action. Don’t allow it to keep you from doing what you want and being who you are.
Perfectionism is not your friend. It will hold you back and keep you stuck and stagnant. Say, “No” to perfectionism. When it appears in the form of, “I can’t until…” stop it in its track, and say, “YES, I can. I can do it now.”
And then DO IT! That’s the key. The key is not in thinking. The key is in DOING.Taking action keeps perfectionism at bay. TWEET THIS!
If things don’t work, adjust and tweak. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved, liked or accepted. It doesn’t need to be perfect to be released or bought. Put yourself out there. Give yourself a chance. The ones who like you will follow you through the ups and downs. The ones who don’t, don’t matter. Bet on you every time!
U B U. Step out of perfection and into your bold, badass self. The world is waiting. How will you be bold?! SHARE THIS!
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Jessica Rector’s mission is simple: transform the lives of men. As someone who attempted suicide at 17-years-old, had a lot of self-judgement around being a single parent, and has a brother who committed suicide, Jessica knows challenges, issues, and pain. She knows personally how shame can manifest in parenting, relationships, leading, working, and living. Through her own experiences, research, and strategies, she now helps men walk through the process to free themselves from their inner struggles. As a thought leader, keynote speaker, and author of two books, Jessica is able to help men become who they are while stepping into their power by becoming a better badass version of themselves. Get Jessica’s soon to be released third book, Breaking the Silence: Taking the Sh out of Shame and connect with her through her Facebook Group at ThisManThing.com. Connect with her and join her tribe for men at THIS MAN THING FACEBOOK GROUP.