Think about what you did the last time something didn’t go your way…when things didn’t work out the way you wanted or hoped. What did you do?

Did you complain about it to a friend? Vent about it on social media? Or just pretend it didn’t happen?

It’s easy to have any or all of those as your go-to, but how did you feel about it?

When I’ve asked men this question before, often times, their response is, “I don’t know.”

Then I kindly share with them, “Yes, you do know. How did you feel about it?”

They usually think about it for minute and then the words flow quickly on how they felt.

Yet when you’re used to pushing aside your emotions or not knowing how to understand them, it’s becomes your norm to act like they don’t exist. This leads to bottling them up, ignoring them, or suppressing them, which makes you a ticking time bomb not knowing when you’ll go off.

Give yourself permission to feel however you feel. When you feel mad, be mad. When you feel sad, be sad. When you’re disappointed, be disappointed. Don’t be mad that you’re mad, sad, or disappointed. Allow yourself to feel that way. Understand why you feel that way. SHARE THIS!

You have feelings. It’s called being human. Every human, man or woman, has feelings. And when you don’t allow yourself to feel, you cut off a major part of what it means to be human. You connect through your emotions.

One of the most fundamental elements of being a human is our ability to connect. Everyone longs to connect with others. When you don’t let yourself feel, you’re also cutting off connections with people. You’re severing a fundamental element of being you. TWEET THIS!

Once you can answer, “How do I feel,” then you should ask yourself Why do I feel that way?

When you know “the why” you can begin to move past it. If you don’t know the why, it’s easy to stay stuck in the emotion.

So why do you feel mad (sad, disappointed, angry, hurt)? Is it because you feel betrayed? Is it because it brings back the helpless feelings you felt as a child? Is it because you want to be loved and now question whether someone is ever going to love you? Is it because you deserve better?

You don’t want to sit in your feelings. The longer you stay in them, the harder it is to move forward. The harder it is to move past them.

Have you ever held a grudge? If so, you may know what I’m talking about. When people hold grudges, they end up doing it for so long that over time they forget what they were holding the grudge about. It keeps them from moving on. When they think about the other person, it incites anger, hurt, or frustration. They don’t allow themselves to move past it…and they often forget what the “it” even is.

When you ask yourself Why do I feel that way, it allows you to process your emotions and work your way through them….and not hold onto the feelings that can hinder your progress and your healthy living. SHARE THIS!

So next time something comes up that doesn’t sit well with you, ask yourself, How do I really feel and Why do I feel that way.

Not only will it help you work through your feelings and make massive progress, it will help work through things that much faster the next thing something comes. Plus you won’t be scared to feel or process your emotions preventing you from becoming a ticking time bomb and helping you live emotionally healthier.

We want to hear from you. In the comments below, share with us how you bottle up or put down your emotions and how you’d feel to be able to release them.


Jessica Rector’s mission is simple: transform lives. With a BBA, MBA and BS, Jessica started, hosted, and produced her own TV talk show in Los Angeles with just an idea to help others which launched her first company jessICAREctor International. As someone who attempted suicide as a teen, had a lot of self-judgment around being a single parent, and has a brother who died by suicide, Jessica knows challenges, issues, and pain and how to turn them into something good. Through her own experiences, research, and strategies, she helps you break through your inner struggles and free yourself. As a thought leader, keynote speaker, and author, Jessica consults with companies, coaches individuals, and speaks at conferences, conventions, and organizations helping you change what you say to yourself about yourself to change your thoughts and actions to change your life. Jessica is a Contributor for The Huffington Post and The Good Men Project and has been seen on ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Business Journal, and Market Watch. Get Jessica’s third book, Breaking the Silence: Taking the Sh out of Shame at Follow her on Facebook by CLICKING HERE.

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