Courageous Conversations with Yourself
Before you can have courageous conversations with others, you must first practice having them with yourself. What do those look like? How do you start doing that?

You’ve been trained to lie to yourself. You believe things about yourself that just aren’t true. Like you’re not smart enough, people won’t buy from you, you don’t have the experience, or it’s too hard for you. And you keep telling yourself these things; therefore, you keep believing them. The more you tell yourself these lies, the more you believe them.

Having a courageous conversation with yourself starts with admitting the truth. You are smart. People will buy from you. You have the experience. It’s easy for you (even if you may have to work at it). Lies are often times easier to believe than the truth, because you’ve been conditioned to think the lies are in fact truth even though they aren’t.

After you’ve become aware of the lies you’ve told yourself and started admitting the real truth. Then you ask yourself the hard questions. These are the questions that might seem daunting to ask yourself initially but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And in asking yourself these questions, you get to the crux of what’s really going on and what you really want. You also find out that telling yourself continual lies doesn’t serve you.

Then ask yourself what would it take to change this/make it happen. When I ask this question of my clients, a lot of them will immediately answer, “I don’t know.”

I always challenge them with my reply, “If you did know, what would it be?”

Because you really do know. It’s in you somewhere. It may be a bit uncomfortable to think about it or verbalize it, but you know it. Sometimes it’s just a matter of believing the opposite…of believing the real truth.

So if the lie you’ve been telling yourself is that you’re not smart enough. This is what it would look like.
1. Awareness/admitting the real truth: I am smart enough
2. Hard questions: Why do I think I’m not smart enough? How is thinking that holding me back? How can I get more if I was smart? How would being smart impact/change my life? Why do I want to believe I’m not smart? Who told me I wasn’t smart enough (you didn’t come with this on your own—where did it start)? What would happen if I was smart?
3. What would it take for me to believe I was smart? How can I change this (I’m not smart) thinking?

Once you know what it will take to change it, your only responsibility is to, in fact, change it. The longer you hold onto and believe the lie, the more damage it does to you. The more you’ll stay stagnant, and you’ll wonder why you’re not making progress…reaching your goals, having more confidence, or making a bigger impact. You’ll wonder why you feel stuck. Release the lies and embrace the real truth. The more you have courageous conversations with yourself, the more courageous you’ll become in having them with others.

To recap, here are the steps for courageous conversations with yourself.
1. Awareness and admitting the real truth to yourself
2. Ask yourself the hard questions
3. Ask what would it take to change this/make it happen/believe your real truth

We want to hear from you. In the comments below, share with us what you’ve been telling yourself that isn’t true.


Jessica Rector’s mission is simple: transform lives. With a BBA, MBA and BS, Jessica started, hosted, and produced her own TV talk show in Los Angeles with just an idea to help others which launched jessICAREctor International. Through her own experiences, research, and strategies, she helps you improve performance, build confidence, and increase influence with the art of courageous conversations. As a thought leader, keynote speaker, and author, Jessica consults with companies, coaches individuals, and speaks at conferences, conventions, and organizations helping you change what you say to yourself about yourself to change your work and home lives. Jessica is a Contributor for The Huffington Post and The Good Men Project and has been seen on ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Business Journal, and Market Watch. Get Jessica’s new book, Breaking the Silence: Taking the Sh out of Shame at Follow her on Facebook by CLICKING HERE.

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